What's for dinner tonight?
We will have 'lapin au vin" - rabbit in wine, like the "cock au vin" .
That is, if i get started right away instead of hanging out here, or it won't be ready on time. 😅
Is anybody here playing ukulele? Any ukulele groups or communities, events, tutorials, teachers?
redegelde No. Love to mix music from the computer. But play i can not https://justbsocial.eu/g/music-and-more this group made by @Morpurgo is present. But you can start your own and share it with friends
I'm new, looking for a non-US replacement for the Facebook platform. Did someone of you did the same and share the experience?
In a group, someone asked what was it like for us to fly back to our country of birth (with or without our adoptive parents = AP). What were our feelings? How did we deal with it? Here is my answer, which may raise many questions for many people. I am sharing it publicly so that more people will talk about it. Life as an adoptee is not so easy peasy and, above all, it is not a better life. You remain in survival mode and need people who really want to understand you. Feel free to share our story. We want the whole of #Europe to #stop #international #adoptions. #ICJ (international court of justice) #HR #UNO #ONU:
When I was 16, I was asked if I wanted to keep my Chilean passport. At the time, I didn't know what to do with it. I also didn't know that, as a native Chilean, you never lose your passport. My adoptive parents kept saying, "We rescued you from the gutter." But we flew there together once and it didn't look nearly as bad as I had imagined. My mother was horrified, but I actually felt at home there. Unfortunately, my parents never served as a supportive help in matters of adoption – they (my mother in particular) only wanted recognition from outside and threatened anyone who even mentioned adoption. I was never allowed to speak Spanish. Suddenly I had to, because of the trip, and then I wasn't good enough. There are many things that just don't fit together. I am glad that some European countries are distancing themselves from international adoptions. We are basically the discontinued model. We still keep disconnected even we found our bio- family. However, there are still enough in the #Netherlands after 2030 that we will have to take care of. 100 years to go to take care of. I really hope that #Germany will quickly add this to its agenda, because in these critical times we should enjoy special protection (I have to say that despite state protection at the time, it didn't help during the Pinochet dictatorship, and I was still adopted abroad).
You should only go on a trip like this with a family/friends who are very supportive. But it helps on the journey "back to myself". Unfortunately, Chile is very expensive for tourists. Fortunately, I showed my husband the beautiful sides and then saw my biological family with my own little family. A piece of the puzzle that was always missing 🙂.
Catha
I am sorry about your experience, about how you feel/felt, but, at the risk of upsetting people... your experiemce might be recognizable for many, for a lot of others it migt be totally different.
Also, national or international, many adoptees have the same quesrions and feelings. But in most countries national adoption is way too dificult and/or with really ridiculous rules to make an adoption possible. And most of the time the 'demand' is much higher than there are possible adoptees, since many countriese - amongst them the Netherkands - have a fostercare program.
How about those who want kidds but can't have them of their own? Why should they not be allowed to adopt (a chikd living in an orfanato? ) Why are they not allowed to have kids although there are so manny kids withouth family / family who won't/can't take care of them?
Imo the lacking continuous follow-up for the adoptee and also for the adoptive parent(s) is the base of many problems. They drop a child with someone like 'Here you go,. Bye.' The make so many rules for adoptove parenta but none for themselves, none for the continuous wellbeing of both parent(s) amd child.
CDCHDCLNL
Absolutely right. To the question of why some married couples should not become parents? Otherwise, nature would have arranged things differently. I came into a family that had certainly already suffered seven miscarriages. The mother was seriously ill with kidney problems. Of course, this could never be spoken of, just like the word 'adoption' later on. Then there was the absolute overload of having a child who was no longer a baby – who had had a pretty bad life, since the time after my mother died when I was 6 month old (first passed around within the family – which was really great at first, but then it became too much for another mother – and later in diefferent foster familie, two were absolutely horrible - through the church. But the church listened and saved me and found another solution with the orphanage). Shortly before the adoption, a German teacher family prepared me for adoption. If I hadn't been adopted, they would have submitted an application; they already had children, one of whom was disabled. )
In fact – on whom the adoptive mother took out all her frustration with violence. She wanted to give me back, she said. First I had fear- then came indifference—and as a boy, I would certainly have become one of the bullies, solely because of her. I wasn't allowed to share my past with anyone, nor the word 'adoption' or my nightmares over the years. That's why people like that should never adopt. Violence comes with being overwhelmed, which many unfortunately only learn too late. I should have stayed in the orphanage. I had friends there, knew the jokes and was actually much happier than here. The staff were strict but also kind. Here, I am just an adapted person and no longer my true self.
Catha
"Nature takes aee of it" is a bit too harsh imo...
I come from a loving, caring family. I am replacing the love for a child to my nusband and - despite allergies and asma - 2 cats. Because, as you put it, nature took care of it. I was bold enoigh to dare to name rhe 4th. Fleur, a girlsname but still after me dad. And yet she too had to leace us before she was born.
I am 55 now, and it still hurts. Especially in a country where kids are everything. She would have been 18 this year..
Nature 'taking care of it' has nothibng to do at all with good parenting.
Adoption in Belgium is also not easy. We were rejected. Why? Because at the probable date of final procedures, my husbamd would have rached the expiration date. At 42 and older apparently you're no longer a good parent...
I coild have adopted on my own. But we wanted real ffamily, not a 'devided in name and paper-family ... '
Sorry for the typos. Emotions hace their effect on aetritis and eyesigth.
And ps: no hard feelings opinions can and should differ. Otherwise the world would be all grey. I am just glad here it can be said without promptly being bombed with alm bad words a dictionary contains 🙃
Respecting an opinion is not the same as understanding it. But it helps keep the world a nice place.
Catha @redegelde Delicious!!! Bit i forgot to take a photo. We had to attent a neighbourhood meeting so by the time we got back home we were hungry. 🤭
Catha @redegelde no worries. 2nd chance when we will have the other half (which is in the freezer. And ehm... if i do remember to take a photo by then 😅)
Catha @redegelde ongeveer zo. De champignons moeten er nog in, maar pas het laatste half uur. Deze keer hebben we cantharellen meegenomen, die waren wel zo mooi en supervers. Zonde om die plat te koken, toch? 🙃
Catha Het eindproduct. Buitenkant verkleurd door de wijn, maar wel nog wit vlees.
redegelde Reuze benieuwd naar de smaak